Time To Fire Fear, Hire Joy
Newcastle Herald
Tuesday April 15, 2003
I WAS talking to a midwife recently who made the observation that in her opinion ``90 per cent of the problems women encounter in childbirth are related to fear".
My response was, ``And not just childbirth!"
The birth of a new business, new career, new relationship and even a new lifestyle seem to allow fear to creep into our lives disguised as indecision, procrastination and inaction.
Jonathan was starting a consultancy business after many years in the banking industry.
Once he was over the initial euphoria of being self-employed he became aware of how much sheer hard work was required to achieve an income remotely close to what he had been earning without any guarantees. Almost overnight fear became his stalker watching his every move. His response was to resist, strenuously.
He talked about how ``hard" it would be to succeed, he would have to ``hack" his way into the industry and ``be in everyone's face" with ``aggressive" marketing.
If you have ever given birth to a baby you'll know that the more you fight the process the more painful it is and the longer it takes.
If you can ride the waves of pain as something positive (dare I say thrilling), with each wave taking you closer to a glorious prize at the end, things really start to move. It's the same for other life births.
Jonathan began to ring potential clients and was soon angry and frustrated at the lack of response.
His fear was making him feel vulnerable and every effort became a wave of pain that demoralised him and undermined his confidence.
Imagine his tone of voice.
He wasn't enjoying himself, he wasn't having any fun and he began to question whether he really wanted to be in business.
Unfortunately, we don't have that luxury in childbirth.
There is a terrifying moment during childbirth when you realise that, although those around you are being jolly helpful, it's down to you and only you to actually deliver.
It's at that moment we either embrace the role and become empowered or relinquish control to others and forever wonder if it could have been otherwise.
Two things worked for Jonathan.
The first was setting himself straight with the deceptively simple statement: ``I can do this".
Say it and soon you will believe it.
You will accept its quiet truth.
There is a magic in that statement that has the power to banish fear even if it is only momentarily and without fear the task requires less effort and things will start to move.
The other technique that worked was to become less attached to the outcome and focus more on the process and the details.
It's a bit like when you have to get out of a hot shower on a cold morning and you trick yourself into turning off the taps.
``I'll just do this and then I'll do the next thing."
Don't focus on obstacles ahead-embrace the detail of right now. Enjoy the ride.
Jonathan did the next thing and then the next thing and soon he had a business plan, a logo and stationery, a web site and clients.
He has surprised himself by enjoying the delivery, it was practically painless. So, if you need help to deliver something new in your life, fire Fear, hire Joy.
Amanda Hampson is a Life and Business Coach.
amanda@rezolv.com
© 2003 Newcastle Herald